Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am one with the molecules
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
