Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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