so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
