Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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