FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
