Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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