Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
