just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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