Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Houston, we have a squirter
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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