A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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