You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
