I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
