I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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