I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
