Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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