I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
