i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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