I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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