We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize