I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
