God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
