I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
