My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
