Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The uberlube is also flammable
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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