I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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