Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
