just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
