I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
