hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
