thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
