everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
