you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
