Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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