Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
