My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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