Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
