I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
