idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
