So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
