the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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