so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
