Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
