When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
sex in a hospital.. check
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
