never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
