You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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