She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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