Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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