You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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