This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
