I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
