I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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