So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
