Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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