Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
