I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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