I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
