she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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