idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
