u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Two words: blizzard sex
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
