My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
