I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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