Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you win again, gameday.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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