Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
